So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
