At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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