just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
