I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
