I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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