why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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