i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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