I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
