at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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