What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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