I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
