dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
not ubering you a puppy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
