great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
