I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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