Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
