I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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