pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
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