Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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