I think i peed on brittanys purse
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
