tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
