There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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