Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
