but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
