the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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