we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
