I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
