I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
