Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
