fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
