i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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