I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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