yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
