oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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