She said her name was "party"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
