Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
