I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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