Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
