Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
