i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
