Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
