I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
