Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
