KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
