I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
