No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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