I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
