I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
