whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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