How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
