i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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