Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
