pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
