I seem to have left my pride at pride
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
