Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
